P A I N!
by Gryffindorable
Summary: "!P!A!I!N! ?does it even compare? can it hold a candle to the ?guilt?" Freeverse with a bit of Tiva. During and post-Somalia - written BEFORE SABBAT SHALOM!


_**I don't know who owns NCIS, but I know it's not me. Enjoy!**_

* * *

!P!A!I!N!

?does it _even_ **compare**?

can it hold a

|**candle**|

to the

?_guilt_?

do you even

?remember?

(you **used** to have it all)

you took it for

granted

(?**didn't** you?)

?_**why**_?

?why did you choose **blood** over _family_?

(you **shouldn't've**)

?do you **regret** it?

(of **course** you do)

it's **why** there's !P!A!I!N!

(?**isn't** it?)

((it **is**))

because you **miss** them

(the people that)

(**care about**)

(love)

(_miss_)

(you)

((?do they **really**?))

because you chose **wrong**

(you **know** he's never)

(**cared about**)

(loved)

(_missed_)

(you)

((?does he **now**?))

because **you** were **stubburn**blind_stupid_

(and you **still**)

(**care about**)

(love)

(_miss_)

(them)

?can you **protect** them?

you're **trying**

(to _protect_ them)

**with** the !P!A!I!N!

(but it _hurts_)

not as much as if **they** were hurt

(that would _kill_ you)

they won't let you **die**

(your **captors**)

?**will** they?

not **until** you give up your

**coworkers**

friends

_family_

the _family_

that (_you_) **left**

the _family_

that (_wa_)s **always** there for you

the _family_

that love(_d_) **you**

you **won't**

?**will** you?

(_please don't_)

you **won't**

?**tell** them?

(_you can't_)

you **won't**

?**b|r\e/a|k**?

(**their** lives depend on it)

**no**

you **won't**

(you **have** to save your family)

you

**take** the !P!A!I!N!

you

{_embrace_} it

you

zone it **o|u|t**

and you _lightdream_

(?isn't that what it's called?)

you _**wish**_ and you _**pray**_ and you _**hope**_

and you **dream**

**dream**

that **maybe** he'll save you

(but you **know** he won't)

**dream**

that maybe you'll save **yourself**

(but you understand you **can't**)

**dream**

that maybe **they'll** save you

(but you _**hope**_ they don't)

because

he's **never** loved you

he's never even **hated** you

you've **always** been just a

**soldier**

to him

because

you're too **weak**

you've **given up** on being ~STRONG~

but you **don't** have

**any**

other choice

because

you don't **d.e.s.e. ** them

they're **so** much better than you

they **can't** be in

**dan|ger**

because of you

you _want_ to blame

him

(but you **can't**)

because you **know**

it's your fault

(_all_ of it)

because **you**

walked a.w..a...y...

(from _them_)

because you picked

_him_

(a cold uncaring **father**)

over _them_

(a loving helpful **dad**)

((_**abba**_))

(a doting story-telling **uncle**)

(an eccentrically hyper **sister**)

(an endearingly geeky **brother**)

(an awkwardly lovable **cousin**)

(and the **not-quite-brother** you _may_ want to be more)

((your _**family**_))

but

!guess what!

just because you gave up on them

doesn't mean they'll

**ever**

give up on you

?would you _believe_ it?

(that they're **on they're way**)

_**they are**_

?do you _know?_

(that **they'll save you**)

even if _**you've**_ put them in danger

?can't you _see_ it?

(that **they love you**)

though they **think** you don't love them

((?don't they know how much you do?))

_**they're**_ **here**

(?are you _really_ **sad**?)

they've come to _**save**_ you

(?is your heart _really_ not **soaring?)**

they're willing to _**die**_ for you

(?can you _really_ hide your **fear**?)

you don't _**need**_ to

because

they _**did**_ come

and

they _**did**_ save you

and

they _**didn't**_ die for you

(they **would** have if they'd needed to)

but they **didn't**

_**they**_ brought you {_home_}

_**they**_ still love you

_**you're**_ still you

and so it's

**fine**

that he didn't _**save**_ you

(you never _really_ expected him to)

((the cold uncaring **father**))

because

_**they**_ did

(you had to know _**they**_ **would)**

(they're your _**family**_**)**

((a loving helpful _**dad**_))

(((_**abba**_)))

((the doting story-telling _**uncle**_))

((the eccentrically hyper _**sister**__))_

((the endearingly geeky _**brother**_))

((the awkwardly lovable _**cousin**_))

and now

_...now..._

you can _**save**_

_yourself_

(maybe with the help of your _**not-quite-brother**_)

((who **will** one day be more))

and that takes the

!P!A!I!N!

away

* * *

**_Review? Check out some of my other stuff, maybe?_**

**_3 Gryffindorable_**


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